Cookies for breakfast anyone?

Today is supposed to be weigh in day. Thank goodness Casey took the battery out of the scale. This week has been HARD. I mean HARD. There are treats everywhere. And I like treats. Cookies, candy, etc. It's yummolicious.

Yesterday I had cookies for breakfast. 8 points worth. But who's counting? ME!!! What the heck? I'll be glad when all the hoopla part is over. I felt so bad about my breakfast choice that I went out and ran sprints. My lungs, legs, and heart were on fire when I was done. Maybe it burned a bit of the cookie indulgence off?

I'm going to survive for the rest of the week. I have healthy, low point meals on our menu until Chrismas Eve. Then I'm serving:

Tangy Pepper Pecan brie
Caramelized onion tartlets
Mustard crusted prime rib roast with roasted balsamic onions
Frico cups with salad
Roasted new potatoes with garlic & parmesan
Spicy green beans with bacon

I'm sure I'll make more cookies for the big event but I think I'll wait until the last minute. It's the only way to not stuff my face full of them have some self control.

Merry Christmas!

The missing battery

My husband took the battery out of the scale...AGAIN! Luckily, I weighed before he did it. I'll tell you the results if you want to hear them? In a minute.

Why does he do these things to me? Care about my mental health? My obsession with the scale? Oh yeah, because he LOVES me. He took the battery out of the scale and put it IN my BodyBugg. See last paragraph below. He says that I should be concerned about eating well and exercising, not the number on the scale. He's right. But let's face it; we ALL care about that number. Don't we? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

If I think back, I can recall the things that may have shaped me to care. I was always small. I mean tiny. I mean like TEENINSY. I don't know that I was necessarily any smaller than the average girl but the average girl was thin. Kids just weren't overweight when I was growing up. Not like they are now anyway. Most kids were normal weight. I know, this post ages me doesn't it?

Anyway, we were all active. We rode our bikes, built forts, and discovered the great unknown. All day long. Now, I have to bribe my kids. You can play Xbox (or insert PSP, DS, Wii, etc.) if you're active first. STUPID GAME MACHINES! Now, to be active, we make VIDEO games that make you work out. So crazy.

I'm the mean kind of Mom. I actually care if they are active every single day. Can you imagine? I make them play outside. I make them ride their bikes with me or run at Shelby Farms. I make them do Power90, Insanity, or my made up circuits with me. I (get this) encourage a lifestyle of activity rather than one that's sedentary. During the summer I encourage all day outside adventures or swimming for hours. I never emphasize weight, EVER, because I just don't think that's important when you're a kid, but I always emphasize health. Even with being overweight myself, I've always been active with them or encouraged activity. Always. So I'm the fat Momma running with her boys. If you see me out at Shelby Farms, now instead of laughing at that lady, you'll admire me for pushing through it.

I also make sure they eat well. We've probably been more lenient in the last year or so with allowing them "normal" food. But I make it a policy to keep Trans fats, gobs of sugar, HFCS, and other junk out of their diet. We don't eat a lot of processed foods. I buy cereal every once in a while. Or chips. But MOSTLY, at least 80%, their diet is whole, real foods.

I got off my subject. Sort of. Back to when the number began to matter. HIGH SCHOOL. Suddenly my body became something other than just my body. It was a mechanism for luring in the boys. It was a tool for measuring my self worth. It was a way to be "better" than someone else. And suddenly it was important to me that I weighed 104 and Sally... well Sally didn't.

Granted, I did NOTHING to keep said body. I was mildly active, playing a sport, very poorly, here or there. Taking up running here or there. Mostly, I did lots of drugs and partied all the time. The fact that I was small was mostly just luck. Period. But I didn't think so. One time, a cousin of mine who was overweight, was lamenting about her size. I remember thinking in my mind; you just need to eat less. That cousin went on to exercise and change her food choices and has a rockin body now. And has for the last 20 years.
I, on the other hand, have struggled. Why? Because it was never about health, it was always about looks. Always. Always.

What a way to be humbled. To go from being super thin to struggling for the last 15 years. It's been good for me. It's stretched my character. I actually evaluate people for who they are instead of how they look. Can you believe I actually mooed at a girl one time? Like made the cow noise "mooooo". I think she was all of a size 8. What a JERK! I can't believe that was acceptable to me.

I do admire fit people, but I don't idolize them. I realize the amount of hard work and dedication it takes to be healthy. I'm learning (it's a process people, Rome wasn't built in a day) to evaluate myself for my choices. My dedication. My hard work. My discipline. I'm learning to be ok with me for who I am, right now. It's hard. Sometimes I'm embarrassed. I don't want to meet people that I think are important looking this way. I don't want to see old friends looking this way. But I DO look this way. I can't change overnight. It takes a commitment to do so. And why do I want to change? It can't be to impress those people. At least not long term. It has to be so that I can live a long, healthy life. Enjoy my life. Be active with my family. Whew, I need to walk around singing that, "I want to be healthy, not impress people." Because, I won't lie, I don't want to be the fat chick anymore and I pretty much like to impress people. Ahh...sweet pride. How I HATE THEE!

Two things:

1) The BodyBugg (for those of you that thought, ooh, what's that?) is a tool from Body Media that measures your calorie burn. You wear it on your arm and it measures your heart rate, calorie expenditure, activity level, etc. I already owned it but started wearing it again (encouraged by Casey) to track the important stuff, my activity level, steps in a day, calorie burn, etc. I added a link to their website. I'm not advertising for them, they haven't endorsed me or anything, I just like this tool. This is also the tool that all the contestants on The Biggest Loser wear to track their burn. Knowledge is power.

2) I weighed before he stole the battery. I've lost TWO pounds this week for a total of SIX. My first goal is TEN so I'm more than 1/2 way there!

A quick 3 points

I did this workout that I saw on Pinterest today:

1 minute running the stairs (I added this)
30 jumping jacks
5 push ups
10 crunches
25 high knees
7 squats
1 minute stairs
5 push ups
10 crunches
5 push ups
10 spider man push ups (I added this)
7 squats
30 jumping jacks
1 minute wall sit
5 push ups
25 high knees
10 super mans


It took about 15 minutes and I earned/burned three points. To give you an example, I would have to walk for 35 minutes to earn 3 points. I did this is less than half the time and it's not dependent on the weather. I will OBVIOUSLY need to add a couple more rounds to make it a workout. I guess today was sort of a test day to see what I thought. Boot camp is always around 45 minutes and includes weights, which I will need to add. So here's what I think it will look like:


1 minute running stairs
30 jumping jacks
5 push ups
25 high knees
7 burpees (squat thrusts)
10 crunches
7 squats
5 push ups
10 crunches
5 push ups
10 spider man push ups
7 squats
30 jumping jacks
1 minute wall sit
5 push ups
25 high knees
10 super mans
10 mountain climbers
7 burpees (squat thrusts)

20 curls
20 shoulder press
20 tricep kick backs

REPEAT 3 TIMES FOR A TOTAL OF 3 SETS

This should earn around 9 activity points per work out (remember, my minimum by WW is 30 per week). And, I can do it at home and hit all my areas.

I'm such a more sane nicer person when I've worked out AND had my priority time. It's like I get all the junk out and the good in. I'm pretty sure my family would agree. Sometimes they've been known to send me for a time out when these haven't happened. I know, sad. Casey used to come home from work when the babies were little and be able to determine in about 2 minutes if I'd been to the gym. He would turn me around and be like SEE YA! Don't come back until you've gotten your sweat on! Poor man. He had no idea my level of crazy when we met. He's a GIFT though and knows how to encourage me instead of getting frustrated. Now he calls me before lunch, "Have you had your time in the word? A workout? A shower?" If the answer is no to any of those, he encourages me to stop what I'm doing and go. I heart him. With big pink fluffy squishy hearts.

Stupid cake balls

Holy cow! Why does Christmas involve so much food? Last week Casey brought home chocolate peppermint covered Oreos from some sabotager very nice person at his office. I went to a girl's dinner & night out on Saturday and had dessert AND she sent us home with Oreo truffles. Awesome. Today Casey brought home cake balls AND chocolate covered peanuts from some other people at work. REALLY? REALLY? And tomorrow I'm supposed to bake cookies for those same people at his office. JUST.SHOOT.ME.NOW. I love Christmas cookies. I heart them a bunch. I only make these certain kind this time of year and it's like a big party in my mouth with every bite.

How is one supposed to not only stay on track, but lose weight? It seems impossible. And why? Why do we eat and give away so much junk? When and why did that tradition start? I'm serious, I want ANSWERS. "Dear baby Jesus, I love you so much, I'll eat a cookie to show you how much you mean to me. Ooh and a truffle. Ooh and some cheesecake." Hmm... I know, it's supposed to be a good will gesture to give away food. But think about that... "I really care about you, here's something to make you unhealthy, fat & sick." SEE?!?!? It's so weird. We should give out oranges and apples and brussels sprouts. Can you imagine? You'd punch that person that gave you baby cabbages right in their face. "You brought me VEGETABLES? Freak!!"

Well, I'm staying within my points, even with all that crazy business. I think that's the AMAZING thing about WW, I'm able to really decide what I'm going to eat and am forced to choose well. "No, I'm going to skip the fried chicken wing and opt for lean meat and veggies so I can enjoy a cookie afterwards." Or whatever delicious thing I feel I MUST have. It's actually freeing. CHOOSING to balance it all and not choosing the following:

1) Resorting to full out rebellion - I KNOW this is like a million points (and gluttony) to have six cake balls but I'm going to do it anyway. And then feel really bad about myself. (Here comes the warped girl again. You would think I was talking about a one night stand, not food. Yeah, that's JACKED.) Then, since I already feel bad anyway, I'll finish the day off by eating whatever else I want. And then later, while praying, I'll lament that God has not removed this burden of weight. Ahh, BOOYAH! I busted you, huh?

2) Giving up - I'm not really going to worry about it right now, I'll wait until after the holidays. Yeah, uh-huh. I do that every year. You know what happens then, right? You pig out, because you better get it all in, and you gain seven or eight pounds. Then you make a New Year's resolution to lose it all and then guess what? You do it for a week or two and you're right back to the excuses and give up mode. Except now you're heavier than before because you went full on for the holidays.

It just doesn't work that way. You know it, I know it, but we like to pretend. Tell ourselves we'll change, we'll do something about it later. For sure when all this craziness is over, or after the first of the year, ok, after Valentine's Day, for real this time, all right, after spring break vacation. You get it. Whatever lame excuse we make to continue to do exactly what we WANT to do instead of what we need to do. DUMB!

I'm choosing NOT to do any of the above. I'm saying what I mean and doing what I say and I LIKE it. A LOT. I'm eating well, I'm exercising. This is no different than any other area of my life. I have to choose to spend time in God's word, I have to choose to love my husband & kids, I have to choose to serve others and die to self, and finally, I have to choose to make this a priority in my life.

So, put the cake balls down. Walk away. Look in the mirror and smile at yo victorious self. Decide early in the day what your plan is and stick to it. Even if you're not trying to lose weight, evaluate what you're putting your body through and make the best choices for yourself. And then we can pray about some real business instead of begging for a miraculous 50 pound weight loss when we wake up in the morning.

Sore glutes and a ZERO

Today is the weigh in day. I strip down, hoping, praying, wait. Did I tinkle? That will take off some. Okay, good, I'm ready. I hop on the scale. Hold my breath. Wait, I should let it out, that might help. AND it's a big, fat ZERO loss this week. BU-UH-UMMER. I worked hard. I did Insanity. Multiple times. And my rear end and legs are killing me. I watched my points. Like a hawk. So what's a girl to do?

Well, this girl would normally run for the kitchen and eat a cookie and say, "oh, well. I must be resistant." and use that as an excuse to have a pity party. But I didn't. SCORE for me. Instead, I put my workout clothes on and did another beat down session of Insanity. And I ate a sensible, low point breakfast. And I guzzled some water. And I REALLY thought about my week.

Did I make sure to write down EVERYTHING I ate? What about the olives I had at lunch? And I realized, I *think* I did a good job but maybe I need to update my food log the minute I eat to make sure. Yes, that's what I'll do.

Then I thought some more. And I came to this conclusion, so what? So what if this week I didn't lose? I worked hard, I monitored and counted my food, I made good, healthy choices. Do I care that I didn't lose? Let's just be honest, HELL yeah. Sort of. Because I just want it off. But really, sigh, no. I'm just going to keep on going. Because I've heard that's what skinny girls do.

This weight loss thing isn't for the faint at heart.

and p.s. What's up with Pinterest? I almost freak out when I look at all those hard bodies on there. But whatever. I'm me, they're air brushed freaks them. I'll try not to be obsessed with looking like that chick with the abs of steel.

Maybe change wigs me out

Last week I saw on the Weight Watchers website that some things were changing. The interface, the way we track, etc. There were rumblings from the members. I thought they were being ridiculous. Come on, who cares? They're changing the screens, they're changing some of the things we track - like exercise. Now we'll set goals for how many points we want to earn for activity. All sounded fine to me. If you don't like it, don't pay for it and do something else. Sounds reasonable, right?

On Wednesday I opened my little WW screen to track my breakfast and BOOM! My points had been lowered from 29 to 26. GASP! Three points! That's a wrap (literally) or a piece of bread or whatever. That may not sound like a big deal to you, but HEY! I just got my groove on. Plus, I like to drink a small 7.5 oz. coke a day and... you guessed it... it's 3 points!! Some heads may roll if I give up my little "treat". I may have wigged out been slightly concerned.

I pondered it and stressed and thought about NOT having my little treat and got all worked up internally. I started to have thoughts about just eating whatever I wanted. Isn't that weird? Something as small as a coke made me feel like I needed to panic. WHO THE HECK AM I? WHERE DO THESE ISSUES COME FROM? Seriously, tap tap, is this thing on? Can you hear me? Wait for it... I may have issues. I know! It's shocking. The extra weight wasn't a clue to said issues already.

So, I talked to two very sensible friends, one of them that has done this and had great success, and have decided, for now, to stick with 29 points. Whew. What a relief. If I hit a plateau, I'll reconsider. My friend, Britta, that has done this and done it well, did it on THIS plan with THESE points. Thank you, Britta!!

My new activity target suggested by WW is 30 points. They come up with this number based on your previous tracking history, your weight loss goals, etc. I won't lie, that's a pretty big number (for example: walking 30 minutes = 2 points so I'd have to like walk to China to hit 30) and I'm EXCITED to crush that goal! Boot camp is around 7 points so that's 21 and then I have to purpose to be active on the other days. Which works well since my 14 year old is all about being fit right now = work out partner = excuses are bogus. He's signing up to do the Warrior Dash this year, yay for something fun to do together!

Here's my adjusted WW plan:

29 points per day
20 splurge points per week (I lowered this from the 49 because well...I just needed to)
30 activity points per week

I've been rocking it out and sticking to my plan.

People

I know this is a blog about weight loss... but induldge me for a minute. Or two. Or ten. It will all come back to that by the end.

Who are the people in your life? Who influences you the most? Spouse? Parents? Friends? Enemies? I ask this question because I can't emphasize enough the role that others play in our lives. How do they influence you? By truth? Love? Manipulation? Lies?

I am sold out for Jesus Christ. I don't mean I like Him when things are good, "I'm so blessed, look at my big house, cute husband, clean & obedient children. God is good." and question Him when things are not, "WHY? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?" I mean like I believe that He is sovereign over all creation, that His purposes are for His glory and my eternal good, that He has authority over my life. Colossians 1:15-22 "he is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities -all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. 21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

WOW! That is powerful truth. I have been reconciled in his body, by his death, in order that I may be presented holy and blameless and above reproach before him. I can't imagine sweeter words. So even though I have won and lost, loved and hated, been joyful and sorrowful, even though I have suffered greatly, I count it all gain for who I am in Him. Where my road has led. Straight to his cross and his love.

I am so grateful that the word of God is my greatest influence. That I don't have to totally depend on people to bring about the joy that comes from knowing that I am holy and blameless before a holy and blameless God because of HIM and not me. Because they can never offer that to me. Ever.

In spite of knowing this truth, I am still influenced by people pretty regularly. Aren't we all? My friend called today and we were talking about how some people don't have anyone that will speak truth in their life. Most people fall into two categories, those that will agree with EVERYTHING you say, and those that will agree with NOTHING you say. I avoid both at all cost. Rarely do we find the gem that will agree with only TRUTH. And will remind you of truth and will hold you to truth. The friend that will love you but who will not allow you to believe lies or live your life based on lies. I'm really amazed because I don't just have one friend like that, I have many. And a husband, and parents, and even sometimes...my kids.

The great thing about having many people is that I know I have a place to filter through life. Obviously, I depend on God's word first. Then prayer, circumstances, authority, and you guessed it... people.

That's where this blog comes in. It's a place to work through all the junk that comes with conquering this overwhelming obstacle of weight. But I was thinking, "why would that matter if people just told me what I wanted to hear?" It wouldn't. I could blog all day long and talk about how I messed up and ate this or that and didn't work out and you could all tell me "it's okay, you're doing so great, it doesn't matter, etc." BUT I DON'T WANT THAT! I want truth. And the truth is "JUST DO IT! Say what you mean, and do what you say." Okay?

I'm so grateful for all of you that have written and told me how this blog is encouraging you in your own journey, and for those of you that have told me that I can do it. And especially those that are doing or have done it with success. That's not what I mean at all. I NEED to hear those encouraging words. I just mean don't give me any excuses. Cause I'll use em to justify any behavior.

You do it for me, and I'll do it for you. Truth, nothing but the truth, so help us God!

I'm HAPPY to report...

A FOUR pound weight loss! Oh yeah! Today is weigh in day and my nemisis scale showed me down four pounds. I did the happy dance. A couple of times. But then it was cold and since you strip down to weigh, the happy dance had to end and snuggly clothes had to go back on.

I did NOT go to boot camp on Monday, STINK! I was having issues with my IPhone alarm. Anyone else? It didn't go off. My smarty pants sweet husband is convinced I turned it off in my sleep. Maybe. It's happened before. I did go this morning though and thought I was going to barf, so I'm pretty sure that means I worked out hard.

Have I mentioned how grateful I am for my boot camp instructor? It's our friend, Frank, and he does it for us for, wait for it, wait... FREE yes, you read that right, FREE. Can you believe that? He does it because he's nice like that but also because he's passionate about people being active and healthy. I wouldn't get up at dark thirty for a bunch of whiny girls, but HEY, he does and I benefit. He's AWESOME!

I have stayed super on target with my points. I have 2 flex points left after the Thanksgiving extravaganza and I haven't used them. I start over tomorrow, which is great because I'm sneaking out with my BFF for a cupcake. YAY for all things in moderation!

I did a show on Monday night and made a yummolicious brie. Here's the recipe. I only had a bite because I didn't know about points...I make no guarantees that it's low my fellow WW friends. All things in moderation, right? Also, I'm a Pampered Chef consultant and I'm not going through to edit the recipe to take out what products I'm supposed to use. If you don't have the ones listed, make something work. OR call me of course. ;)


Tangy Pepper-Pecan Brie

Ingredients:

1/2 cup pecan halves
1 jalapeño pepper, stemmed and seeded
1/4 cup apricot preserves
1 4-inch round (8 ounces) Brie cheese with rind, room temperature
1 loaf (16 ounces) French baguette
Vegetable oil

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 425°F. Coarsely chop pecans using Chef's Knife. Chop jalapeño using Food Chopper. In Small Batter Bowl, combine jalapeño and preserves; mix well using Skinny Scraper.

2. Cut Brie in half horizontally using Utility Knife. Place one half of Brie, cut side up, onto center of Large Round Stone with Handles. Spread half of the apricot mixture evenly over bottom half of Brie using Small Spreader. Top with half of the pecans and remaining half of Brie, cut side up. Spread remaining apricot mixture over Brie; sprinkle with remaining pecans.

3. Using Bread Knife, cut baguette on a bias into twenty-four 1/4-inch-thick slices. Arrange baguette slices around Brie; spray with oil using Kitchen Spritzer. Bake 8-10 minutes or until baguette slices are golden brown and Brie begins to soften. Remove from oven; let stand 5 minutes before serving. Serve using Bamboo Spreader.

Yield: 12 servings

Nutrients per serving: Calories 230, Total Fat 6 g, Saturated Fat 1 g, Cholesterol 0 mg, Carbohydrate 38 g, Protein 6 g, Sodium 400 mg, Fiber 2 g

Cook's Tips: Wear plastic gloves when working with jalapeño peppers. The juice from the peppers can create a burning sensation on the skin.



For a simple garnish, slice a jalapeño pepper in half lengthwise using Petite Paring Knife. Brush cut surface with apricot jam. Place next to Brie before baking.

Post Thanksgiving and Pre Christmas

Isn't this the time of year where we all gain 5 pounds? Historically speaking this is true for me. YUCK! That's a lot of turkey & dressing. I'm planning to LOSE 5 instead.

I think I told you that I have 29 points per day + 49 extra to be used throughout the week or in one setting, if desired. If you exercise you earn extra activity points for that. If you want to lose the weight faster, you don't use your extra points. BUT they're there for you when you need a splurge or have a special occasion. You are supposed to be successful even if you use all 49 + your earned activity points. I would just like to lose faster so I'm trying to save those for something special or skip them all together. Okay, now you know how my points work.

So...Thanksgiving. We stayed at home this year and I cooked. I made grilled chicken, roasted butternut squash, mashed potatoes, dressing, rolls & pecan pie. We bought a chocolate pie at the request of the boys. Notice I didn't say anything green? I figured we eat a TON of fruits & veggies every single day, we could skip it to save room on this one meal. I had normal size portions - 2 1/2 oz. chicken, 1/2 cup potatoes, 1/2 cup dressing, 1/2 cup squash, a roll. I was STUFFED. I waited until the afternoon to have a slice of pie. I had dressing, potatoes & a roll for dinner. We had pumpkin donut for breakfast. YES, it was a feast. Total points tally? 69!!! HOLY COW! I didn't even pig out. I'm not saying I didn't have a good amount but go hog wild? No. That food BE BAD.

So, I used 47 of my extra 49 this week. BTW, my week in WW runs Thursday - Wednesday. I've earned 11 activity points since Thursday and I'll earn around 20 more before the new week begins. I have no intention of using those to swap for food though.

I have boot camp M/W/F this week. I'm planning on doing a little extra cardio on T/TH. I'll stick within my 29 points each day. I'll want to shove cookies in my face splurge on all the holiday treats but I'll make something small work within my points.

I need to check in daily to stay accountable. I would love it if you asked me how I'm doing.

I made this recipe this week and it was good. If you're counting points it's 3 per generous 1 cup serving.

Sausage & Lentil Soup

1/2 pound chicken sausage (I used habanero)
1 cup lentils
8 cups (2 cartons) organic chicken broth
3 carrots - chopped
1/2 onion - chopped
2 cloves garlic
1 can diced tomatoes (I used Rotel for kick)

Throw it all in a pot and simmer for at least 30 minutes. Good comfort food without a bunch of points. I think I'll toss some Kale in at the end next time. Just for an extra nutritional boost. You can serve it with cornbread and that would be delish. I didn't because of the point factor. Maybe I'll look that up...

This weekend, today, and this week

I had a great weekend! I stayed within my points each day and used some of my extra to have a little bit of cobbler last night. ahh... it was DELISH!

I made my friend, Frank Fournier, a cobbler a.k.a. humble pie and presented him with it this morning at boot camp. He welcomed me back, because he's cool like that. It's a guaranteed workout & accountability M/W/F every week. You can't beat that! I just never do it when I say I'm going to on my own. And someone that I love very much (name starts with C and ends with asey) always says we're gonna work out together but we never do. So I went this morning at 5:45 and got my sweat on. YAY for good friends!


My plan is to stay within my points (29) and use my extra (49 for the week) here or there for all the Thanksgiving madness.


Here's what I'm serving on Thanksgiving day, I'm sure it will take ALL of my 49 points but it will be worth it!


Turkey


this delicious caramelized onion & cornbread stuffing


this green bean casserole


Roasted butternut squash with purple onion


My Mom's macaroni & cheese


Rolls


this delicious chocolate pie (requested by my kids because it's so YUMMY)


this old fashioned Pecan Pie - it's tried & true!


And a little something new with these mini gingerbread cheesecakes because we had to have a fall flavor.


What are you making?

Ahh...

I followed WW yesterday. May I say? It's so much easier. Maybe easier isn't always the better thing but in this case, I think it just might be. I went to a certain movie premier and was able to have a girls night out and still stick with it. That was nice. I tried a place last night that I've never been to before, Cafe Eclectic, YUM! I love local places. Then we went to Muddy's for our crack cupcakes before the movie. Another local and another YUM. I used 7 of my 49 extra points for the week. Pretty awesome. How about you? What are you doing to stay on track? Especially BEFORE the holidays begin and add an aditional five pounds.

Extremes

I can't do it. I can't do extremes. They make me crazy. They make me want to binge. But I didn't. But I want to. I just want to lose 50 pounds by tomorrow. Can that happen? Well since I'd have to do massive drugs go to extremes to get there fast, I don't think so. That's why I'm reneging. Or renegotiating. Or re-designing my plan. I'm going back to Weight Watchers where I can have all things in moderation. Because I like crack bread & carbs & such. And I'm not an athlete who has wash board abs and needs to keep them that way. Honestly, I just want to be in single digit clothing for now. Sigh. I've said this before and then changed my mind and then been back here again. I have a problem sticking to a plan because I want instant gratification. You know... instantly. Every.single.time I'm doing well I see a picture of some super hot chick and then suddenly I want to change everything I'm doing and instantly look like that. I don't know why, crazy mabye? Maybe after I lose some excess weight I'll want to be extreme and get in better shape. But for today? I just want to feel proud of myself and extremes aren't doing that for me. I cried today because I wanted chocolate and that made me feel like a failure. Seriously? I CRIED? I hate crying so I try not to. Like ever. So I'm done with that. I'm signing up, AGAIN, for Weight Watchers. Meet ya right back here tomorrow. Hopefully, a nicer, non-crying person.

AND we're off!

The day has started. Well? I'm not sure but it's started. We've already had some quarreling around here this morning. Life with three boys certainly keeps me on my toes. I've had my coffee. I've had time in the Word. I'm tackling the day...here goes! Let me start with yesterday - it was awesome. YAY! I love successful days. I really had a moment last night where I wanted a big piece of chocolate cake but I remembered that I don't want a big gut to make unhealthy choices. Today's plan: Workout: It will be at 5:30 today. We planned this yesterday because Casey had an early morning and we knew we'd struggle with having enough time before work. We are planning ahead which helps with sticking to it. Eating: I'm going to try to front load from now on. I'm usually not hungry in the morning and end up skipping breakfast or not eating until 10 or 10:30. Can you guess the problem with that? I'm hungry late in the evening and almost always need a piece of fruit or a bar or a cheese stick. Last night I had the shakes so I know it's not head hunger. I did this program called Naturally Slim a few years ago and I got down to an ideal weight. The concept is that you skip breakfast and then eat two small meals only. You chew slowly. You stay away from sugar. It really worked great at first but then I got to where I was eating 1/2 a taco at a meal. I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of an eating disorder trying to see how little I could survive on. I just realized that it was a way to eat to be "skinny" but not to be healthy. That being said, if you're a NS friend and you're reading this, it's just not for me. The eating slowly part? Yes. Watching portions part? Yes. But I just took it too far. SO - I'm going to go eat breakfast now. Lunch - cilantro turkey burger w/ veggies Dinner - flank steak w/ veggies I have tons of great veggies to choose from and I will. I'll report back later to verify that I stayed on my eating & work out plan!

Monday so far...

Monday...that word conjures up a big sigh for me. Maybe because I'm always going to start or stop something on a Monday. Some new routine. Some diet. When I quit smoking. Quit drinking. Poor Monday, it gets a bad rap. BUT NOT THIS ONE!

I worked out this morning! Yay! It felt really good to have it done before my day started. Insanity fit test = a realization of my un-fitness. When I did bootcamp with Frank he had us do these exercises and we started at 20 seconds and then worked our way up to 1 minute. Thank goodness! He eased us into it and now I'm more fit for it. Yeah, that's not Insanity. But! I LIKE it. I might as well get my sweat on if I'm gonna exercise.

I had a Vega protein smoothie with added almond butter & strawberries for breakfast. I had green drink for my health. I had turkey lunch meat smeared with hummus, feta & veggies for lunch.

Confessions

I started this blog for accountability AND for a place to be gut level honest. What does a person struggling with their weight struggle with daily? What are the hang ups? What are the successes? I haven't done that. I went AWOL instead! So here goes...

I traveled to Atlanta and stayed on target with my eating while there but compromised the workout. I got home and just sort of fell apart.

So here's me being honest.

Yesterday I ate a 1/2 of a cinnamon roll for breakfast. 5 chicken nuggets and a small fry from Chick Fil A for lunch. A cookie at a Christmas event that I was working. 2 small cookies & coffee at my bff's house. 2 slices of pepperoni pizza for dinner. 2 brownie bites after that. OMG! It's ridiculous. I don't even want to know or add up the sugar/carbs/calories. Wednesday & Thursday I did great, Friday was my "flex" day so I had mexican & a cupcake as planned...and then I just BLEW it yesterday. And I knew I was. I'm ashamed to admit it on here.

I'm not going to lie. I probably won't jump back on the wagon today. We have church, quick lunch, a meeting & basketball practice for the youngest, and then a dessert event at church tonight. Somewhere in there, we're squeezing in dinner.

So how about you check on me on Monday? See if I've totally lost my mind jumped ship or if I've jumped back on course?

It's my plan to get back on track so that I feel good about Thanksgiving. I want to eat caramalized onion cornbread dressing, pecan pie, and mashed potatoes with freedom from guilt.

Mondays plan: Insanity workout, paleo eating.

I want to be a runner. It bugs me that I can't seem to stay on course and just do it. My friend/coach, Frank, told me once that I put too much emotion into it and just to be where I'm at. Where I'm at sucks is the beginning, over and over and over, so I'm unemotionally setting a goal to finish the 5k training. Not to mention, we do this fun event every year, the Warrior Dash, in the spring. Last year my Dad was able to beat me. He's 56. SERIOUSLY! Anyway, I'm finding that I can only run outside in the morning right now because it gets dark so early but that's when I do my other workout. SO, I'm gonna just suck it up and do it on the treadmill instead.

Ask me. Ask me if I'm working out and staying on track with my eating. I'll be embarrassed to tell you no so I'll do it.

I'm baaaaack!

Yep, I am. Not as in "I'm back on the wagon because I strayed so far" because I DIDN'T but as in "I'm back to my normal life and my house and my laptop."

I left for Atlanta on Friday and came back yesterday (Tuesday). I had such a great time! And it didn't involve food. Isn't that funny to say? Usually, when I travel some of the fun is all the different food and the eclectic city specific fare. My sister and I had a "date night" and we did go out for my favorite Atlanta veggie pizza and then ice cream but that was it. Oh wow. The ice cream. It was the best I've ever had ever ever in my life. Salted caramel and it was an explosion of flavor in my mouth. Anyway, that was my fun night. I think it helps that Ashley & Ben lead a healthy lifestyle so there just wasn't a bunch of tempting stuff laying around. Or I probably would have indulged.

The only thing I really compromised was the work out. I didn't take my DVDs and I didn't run/walk. Her babies (three under the age of four) wake up around 6:00 and my kids stay up until 9 or 10, especially on vacation. Could I have carved out time? YES, of course. Did I? No. I did run like crazy juggling six kids and all their needs.

I have NO GROCERIES in the house this morning. I'm making my menu and grocery list and hitting the stores today. We all have sore throats and snotty noses so I'll probably just walk 2 hilly miles today instead of a full sweat workout.

Whoa! Has it been 3 days?

It has! I'm traveling and am in Atlanta at my sister's house. I've been meaning to hop on here and I just haven't had a chance. I've done GREAT with my food stuff except for the car trip... I ate a couple of mini candy bars from a big halloween bag. I haven't exercised in two days but we've been going non stop. Literally. I think if I maintain while I'm here, that will be great.

Day 8 - current

You'll be glad to know (all one of you that reads this blog... Kara Krouse) that I recovered from my terrible case of the hangries. I was able to fall asleep with my full chili / larabar belly and have sweet, peaceful dreams. For about an hour and then we ended up with TWO, not one, children in our bed at one time or another. :/ Do they not remember the Growing Kids God's Way teaching from their infancy? NO SHARED BEDS. ahh... that's a story for another day.

I'm on track today, yay!

8:30 - green drink, I've included a couple of pictures for your viewing pleasure.

It's about 3 cups all smashed down with ice & lime juice

YUMMY YUMMY!


umm... no breakfast.

12:30 - chili - YES, I am the most boring person ever. I realize that I can just eat the same thing over and over again. Because I'm not really a "foodie" and I like whatever I like, or I don't eat it, and I like what's easy.

3:30 - 5 strawberries, 2 TBS almond butter

I'm not sure about dinner yet. I realize it's 4:00 and I need to figure it out though.

Exercise:

Power90 - DONE!

C25K - sigh. Not done yet.

Day 7 - Actual

9ish - Green drink with spinach & lime
9:30 - Power90
10:30 - vega protein smoothie w/ almond milk, almond butter & strawberries

mmm...after my smoothie I decided I wanted sweet potato hash for lunch. I make it with sweet potatoes, onions, garlic & cajun seasoning. The perfect blend of sweet, spicy & salty. I prepped the veggies and put them in a little coconut oil to sautee and then... I WALKED AWAY. And I got sidetracked doing school stuff with the boys and ordering checks. And here's what happened to my beautiful sweet potato:

I ate it anyway. Cuz I'm gross like that. And it was sorta still yummy.

Lunch: burned sweet potato hash, 2 egg whites with spinach

Dinner: OH.DEAR.HEAVENS. I didn't eat before a meeting and I totally regretted it. Then I went to Barnes & Noble with a friend and they were baking fresh cookies and it's all you could smell. But I didn't have one. However, there rose up in me such a case of the HANGRY that I almost decked the lady making them gave in. I drove about 100 miles an hour home where I ate chili instead. Warmed & ready for me because my husband was scared to talk to me before feeding me so sweet. Ahh... the world was made right again.

Then I had a larabar because 1 cup of chili just wasn't enough to quell the hangry monster inside of me. Now, she's really been slayed and I can go to bed without harming anyone.

What day am I on? Oh yeah! Day SEVEN

Here I am, day seven. It has not exactly been the start I thought it would be. I've missed workouts. I struggled A LOT after having my splurge meal & dessert. I just wanted more. BUT here's what I did right! I thought about what I was doing every bite, every workout, every day. YAY! That's a huge win. I DID exercise a bunch, just not every single time that I planned it.

So here's my plan for today:

Green drink - check

breakfast: smoothie (vega, unswt almond milk, cocoa, strawberries)- check

lunch: I have a couple of options but I think I'll probably have chili. I made it yesterday with beef, 12 fresh tomatoes blended up, and LOTS of yummy spices. Non processed food friendly. I *may* have scrambled eggs and sweet potato hash just because that sounds yummy today.

dinner: lentil soup (lentils, chicken sausage, veggies, broth)



Exercise -

Power90: cardio - Check

I'm not AWOL!

I've done great with eating, I've just been super busy and haven't sat down to write out my plans and actuals.

I'm taking a night "off" and taking the family out for dinner and to stuff our faces full of candy while we watch a movie. Yay for halloween and the 1.5 million or trillion pounds of candy that we consume!

I'll be back tomorrow with my plan, etc.

Day 5 - Plan

Here's my plan for today - Sunday - Day 5

Breakfast: Egg whites with veggies, bacon

Lunch: I'm not sure. I have a show today and it's an hour away and I need to be there at 1:30. I'll figure it out between now and then.

Dinner: Taco salad OR Chili - it depends on how I feel after the show. It's over around 4:00 and then the drive home. *Maybe* my sweet husband will prepare dinner for us.

Exercise - A walk or a bike ride when I get home from the show.

Day 4 - Actual

Sometimes being a grown up is hard. Like when you realize the only way you're actually going to get exercise squeezed into your day is if you get up earlier than you want to. Sigh...responsibility. But that's why I find myself here. My bed has always been more appealing then a workout with Tony Horton. Or any kind of workout. Especially on the weekend.


9:30 - Breakfast: eggs & bacon. I made chocolate gravy & biscuits for all the boys and chose to skip it and save my sweet treat for later. I'm glad I did. I'm afraid if I would have started with a sweet in the morning, it would have blown the whole day.

Had a meeting, ran some errands, and then went out to our community garden to get it cleared of any items. I garden with three other girls and we have a deadline of 11/1 to remove our personal stuff. We were all supposed to meet but it didn't work out for the others so I ended up clearing it alone. Which was GREAT for activity. I pulled up soaker hoses, regular hoses, tons of stakes, & cages, etc. I picked all that was left and have a big bag of yummy goodness. I guess that's a perk to doing it alone. ;) Needless to say...I got busy and didn't eat.

4:00 - late lunch/early dinner: YAY! It's my splurge meal. I had 1/2 a burger with the bun, grilled onions, & guacamole. And steak fries. mmm... steak fries are my favorite. Bolded items are my splurges.

6:30 - CUPCAKE time. Casey brought several home and cut them and we shared. I had 2 1/2 total over a couple of hours.


Exercise:

NONE! What the heck! This is where I'll need the MOST accountability.

Day 3 - Actual

Today was lo-o-o-o-ong. And I mean in the go and move non stop kind of way until after 10:00 tonight.

We had the 20 boys over and it went well. They made their own pizzas with homemade crust, yum, and I didn't snatch anyone's. Really all I had to do was think about where all those boy hands might have been or what they might have touched and I was all good. ;) They did their cupcakes too. I stuck to my plan and made a crustless pizza for myself.

breakfast - vega shake w/ strawberries

lunch - The cilantro burgers had gone bad (I made them up and had them raw in a container) and when I pulled them out they were SMELL-L-LY! I had some all beef, no nitrate or preservative, hot dogs and made those. I've decided I'm not a hot dog fan. How can that be anything near non processed food anyway? It's not. I'll skip those next time.

dinner - cheese, sauce (homemade) & meat. Next time I'm going to make this vegetable lasagna I found here. Except easy on the cheese.

I didn't eat enough veggies today and I can tell. :( I feel kind of gross tonight.

Exercise - DANGIT! I didn't get my Power90 in. I should have done it first thing but Casey & I agreed to do it tonight. What was I thinking? I'm too tired after today. I guess today will be my rest day and I'll make up for it all this weekend.

Another thought

Conviction rarely comes apart from God's word for me. You can tell me why something is right or wrong or why I need to do this or that but I don't prescribe to it unless I'm convicted by the Holy Spirit. That usually, but not always, happens when I'm having my priority time. I'm really pretty stubborn and MUST do my own research before I accept anything. I'm sure it frustrates most of the people that love me.

This weight thing has been a battle for me for many years. Really, since I became a believer. And that's sad. You see, I'm an idol worshiper and my idol is my own pleasure. I want to "feel" good and so before eating it was drugs & alcohol. Before that it was sex. Now, it's food. I'm learning to be honest with myself about it and not allow it to be the "acceptable" sin. I'm at war friends. And the battle is about much more than weight, it truly is a sin issue in my life.

I've been covicted over and over again in my priority time about depending on God alone. About idol worship. About obedience. But in this area, I haven't listened. I've talked about it, I've given half hearted attempts but my desire to do what I want, when I want has trumped. Well, you might say then, that's not true conviction. No, it's disobedience. Maybe I should have named the blog Ditch the Disobedience. Anyway, I know God loves me like crazy and I know he loves everything about me. But I also know that it breaks His heart when I run to something other than Him. Because what He truly wants for me is His best, FREEDOM.

Now, why am I posting this today? Because as much as I like to be funny or real or whatever, I can't be real without speaking about my love for the Lord and my desire to be a reflection of his glory. Being dependent on a substance, including food, does not bring him glory. period. the end.

Day 3 - Plan

My butt & my inner thighs are sore today. I creeeeaked out of bed this morning wondering how long it might take me to hobble to the bathroom. Sore is GOOD, it means I'm doing something right. Right?

Tonight we're having a party here for about 20 middle school boys. On the menu? Homemade pizza and decorate your own cupcakes. I've decided that I DON'T want my splurge meal and sweet to be with them. How can you savor your splurge with a bunch of middle school boys? The answer... you can't because they're hungry little men that will probably fight me for the food. I'm sure I'll be too busy making sure they have enough food and fun, etc. So I'll wait. And enjoy a Muddy's (mmm...) cupcake sometime later in the weekend.

Eating Plan:

breakfast - green drink, smoothie w/ vega,berries & unsweetened almond milk

lunch - since I skipped the cilantro burger yesterday I think I'll have it today. With avocado & salsa. YUMMY. And some other sort of green vegetable TBD based on my mood.

dinner - pizza with no crust - paleo style. I will have mozzarella cheese tonight because how else do you eat pizza? And don't tell me to sub cauliflower or something else crazy for cheese. Gross. I don't like "pretend" food. Like Tofurkey hot dogs. That shouldn't even be a word... Tofurkey.

My goal for today is to actually EAT all three meals. And to drink more water. Oh yeah, I drink lots of unsweetened tea & water & coffee throughout the day. NO SODA! YAY! But since I'm having headaches I think I need more water.

Exercise Plan:

I can't run outside today since it's raining. Even if it stops, I won't have time tonight because of the above mentioned party. I'll do Power 90 resistance today and then run tomorrow morning or Sunday.

Day 2 - Actual

Did I mention that sometimes my life gets a bit umm... crazy? Because it does.

The headache wouldn't go away making for a very unproductive morning. Which made for a hectic afternoon. Which meant I forgot to eat lunch. Oh dear. I'm really trying here, I promise.

9:00 - Green drink (about 3 cups spinach with a whole lime, water & ice blended smooth)

9:15 - 2 eggs & chicken sausage

4:00 - oh crap! I never ate. Bought more Larabars while at Kroger, had one in the car. My new favorite is Cherry Chocolate Torte. Have you ever had these? They're raw bars which sound disgusting but oh they are super delish.

7:00 - At the fundraiser and realized I still haven't eaten. One of the girls says she's making a Chick Fil A run. YAY! oh wait... what will I eat? I ponder a grilled chicken breast from there with no bun and throw up a little in my mouth. Gross. Who wants to eat that? So I decide on a salad with grilled chicken & a large unsweet iced tea. The smell of french fries and fried chicken wafts through the air when they arrive with our food. I briefly consider pushing a chick over the counter to get to the bag of fries. Then I come to my senses and remember that I would have to tell all of you so I change my mind. I begin to internally chant "I want abs that don't jiggle, abs that don't jiggle" I ate the salad. Yum. You know, skinny girls don't eat salad? Only those trying to get skinny. Just thought you'd all like that piece of information to store away for later use.

10:00 I arrive home and change my clothes and complete the Power 90 cardio.

11:00 - WTH? Have I eaten today? Oh that's right, I had that really bad yummy salad. I MUST have something right now. I grab a larabar. Casey has one too. We really shouldn't be eating this late. I'm seeing a pattern here.

Day 2 - Plan

Ok, so plans are funny things. Around my house they're sort of...loose. We have loose plans. I'm guessing that's why they don't usually happen. I planned on getting my cardio done at 6:30 this morning; however, I woke up with a TERRIBLE headache around 5:45 and took lots of pills and went back to bed. Got up again, took more pills, went back to bed. Now it's 11:27 and I haven't done it yet. So I'll have to be flexible and change my plan up a little. I usually use the above as an excuse not to do it at all. And since I didn't work out I might as well have a brownie. Sigh.

Here's my plan for today:

Breakfast - green drink (check), eggs & chicken sausage (check)

Lunch - boring? yes. Leftover cilantro burgers with roasted asparagus

Dinner - I think I'm going to try a Paleo Pizza I saw on Pinterest. Or maybe I'll make meatballs to go with my leftover sauce. I have a fundraiser event so I'll be gone by 5:30 which means I'll have to get my act together early. We'll see...

On that note... I have a fundraiser event tonight. There will be lots of yummy little treats there. I'm also making a few things, none of which are on my plan. So, I'll be checking in tonight to let you all know that not only did I stick to plan but I punched those treats in the face
abstained from anything NOT on my plan.


Exercise plan:

Power90 Cardio

**side note here. I like the Power90 series. We did P90X a couple of years ago and I wanted to poke my eyeballs out by the end. It was JUST.SO.LONG every single day. I know, I know, that's why it was Power90 EXTREME hence the X. But seriously folks, I wanted to hurt ole Tony by the end. This is a bit easier (I need to invest in heavier weights so that it's not) but it's shorter and that's awesome. I'm done in 1/2 an hour but I've gotten a good sweat on. And I'm sore today so that's good.

Day 1 - Actual

I got crazy busy this morning and forgot to eat breakfast. YIKES!

7:30 coffee

Breakfast - none

11:30 - lunch: cilantro burgers (5 oz., no bun) with green beans as planned - YAY!

4:30 - snack: protein shake (vega, almond milk, cocoa, pumpkin, ice)

5:30 - C25K week 1, day 1

8:30 - dinner: 1/2 cup spaghetti squash with 1/2 cup red sauce, salad w/ pepperoni, black olives, banana peppers, feta, and olive oil & balsamic italian dressing.

9:30 - Power90 Resistance

10:30 - craving something sweet like a cupcake healthy larabar. Scrounged around and found my last one, Ginger Snap. MMM...that's better.

With the exception of no breakfast, I stuck to my plan. YAY!

Day 1 - Plan

Well it happened. I begged my husband to put the battery back in the scale and I weighed. Let me digress, yes, he took the battery out. One day I got all psyched to weigh for the 10th time and I went in, stepped on the scale, and nothing happened. I tried it again. Nothing. I freaked out calmly called his name and asked him if he knew what was wrong with the scale. "yes," he said, "I took the battery out so you can't weigh 100 times a week and obsess about your weight." Oh...I do that?

After I broke up with him thanked him for caring about my well being and mental state, I decided that I liked the freedom of not weighing all the time. It doesn't do anything but make me crazy. BUT, I weighed this morning so that I have a starting point. I won't use weight as the only measuring tool, but it does sort of help to see progress. This blog is about making positive changes and not beating myself up so I won't go into some long masochistic tirade about what that number said or how it made me feel. I will just say that it is what it is and ya gotta start somewhere. He'll remove the battery because I lack self control to help me stay accountable to weighing only once a month.

Here's my plan for today:

Food:

Breakfast - Egg & Sausage scramble (farm fresh eggs, nitrate & preservative free chicken habanera sausage)

Lunch - Cilantro Turkey Burgers ... found here , green beans

Dinner - spaghetti squash with meat sauce, salad - I'll post the recipe as soon as I figure out how to upload my own

Snacks if needed - Pumpkin smoothie (Vega protein powder, unswt almond milk, pumpkin, pumpkin pie spice, ice) or a candy bar as found here

Workout:Power90 Week 1 Day 1, C25K

crush the corpulent a.k.a. - fight the fat

A few weeks ago a wise woman said to me, "I noticed you say really bad stuff about yourself. You need to stop. Stop it." Seriously, those were her words. I respect this woman, I might even go as far as to say I admire her. She's calm, peaceful, loving, full of wisdom and strength. When she speaks, I make a point to listen. I've heard these words before, even from my husband (who I love, admire, and respect but OBVIOUSLY didn't listen to in this case - SHAME!), for whatever reason I thought he was just blind because he's crazy in love with me.

If you know me, you've heard me. I'm fat. I'm gross. I need to lose weight. I'm going to start this diet. I'm going to do this workout. Weight Watchers, P90X, Insanity, diet pills, boot camp, no sugar, everything in moderation, naturally slim, etc. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I've come full circle a million times. I care, I don't care, I care. It's a roller coaster up in here!

Each time I do this and then don't follow through, I spiral into this black hole of defeat. Somewhere along the way I've resigned myself to staying overweight. There it is, the ugly truth. Or it could be a crazy train.

I've also become increasingly concerned about the example this sets for my boys. What it tells them is important. How they watch me "set" goals (unrealistic of course) and then not stick to them. I don't want them to grow up thinking we allow life to happen to us rather than setting goals, sticking with it, and making changes.

But I OBVIOUSLY can't do it alone. I've asked others for accountability but then I just sort of stop e-mailing or showing up or whatever. That's where you and this blog come in. Here, I will lay it all out. The good, the bad, the ugly. Why? Because 1/2 of me wants to change but the other 1/2 that doesn't want to is fatter and bigger and meaner and likes things the way they are.

So will you read this blog and comment? So I know that people are expecting to hear from me daily? I'll figure out how to post my daily plan on a sidebar. I'll link recipes. I'll link anything I find on healthy eating or workouts, etc. Who knows? Maybe you'll find something useful or interesting. If not, maybe you'll just like to read it to know how the crazy half lives.