This girl be CUH-RAZY...crazy!

Do you think people can become neurotic (definition: a person who is afflicted with a neurosis or who tends to be emotionally unstable or unusually anxious) as they age? Like, they weren't crazy before but now they just get crazier all the time? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's me then.

Let me give you an example. I have never been a great flosser. I'll floss here or there but never consistently. THEN, while teaching science to the boys, I read that the germs that live in the dark, moist, tight spaces between your teeth are actually using the bathroom and it's hanging out in your mouth. Yeah, the stuff that is between your teeth right now has fecal matter in it. UMM... ok, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever learned. So I became neurotic or unusually anxious about flossing. And so I did. Floss that is. About 100 times a day. Until I hurt my mouth and had to reign myself in. You'll all be glad to know that I now restrain myself and only floss at night. Most of the time. I know, you want to run and floss now too don't ya?

So, I've realized lately that I'm sort of obsessed with this weight thing and I want to have only God honoring thoughts about this issue. I know the goal should be health but I'm easily swayed by weight. UGH! IT'S REALLY HARD. But I'm willing to do the work because I know that I want every area of my life to be an imitation of Christ. Because I'm grateful for his love and grace and mercy, how can I respond any other way?

I just read this GREAT book Love to Eat Hate to Eat, Breaking the Bondage of Destructive Eating Habits, by Elyse Fitzpatrick. It is hands down the best book I've ever read for those who struggle with the issue of bondage to food and weight. She's a biblical counselor and has some great wisdom & insight, grounded in God's word. I can't summarize all of the truth in this book here on this blog but I do want to share a couple of amazing points:

Most people who are entrapped by this issue (or any issue) never planned to be. It's a pattern of destructive thoughts that lead to destructive behaviors.

Bear with me...this is sort of long but SO WORTH IT - KEEP READING.

Here's an excerpt:

Marlene was a 24 year old married Christian mother of two when I first met her. She had practiced habits of bulimia since high school. As I got to know her it became apparent that one of the main goals of her life was to be thinner than her sisters. She had first embraced this thought in junior high and had never really grown past it. "I must be thinner than my sisters" was so strong in her desires that it actually functioned as a god to her, even though she wasn't always fully aware of it. Her obsession dictated the focus of her thoughts and actions. It ruled over her, demanding enslaving obedience. It was a ruthless taskmaster.

The worship of her god, "I must be thinner than my sisters," had a number of different nuances. For instance, her identity and worth as a woman were tied up in what size she wore. Her daily experience of peace and joy was determined by whether she was "good" or "bad" in her eating. Her emotions alternated between anger and frustration because she spent her life in such futility; she felt depressed and fearful that she would never change, and she was filled with self-loathing and self-indulgence. These emotions gave rise to more despair, disgust, and bitterness, leading her to eat everything in sight. Marlene wanted to serve the Lord and after each binge, she would resolve again to live her life for Christ. But she continually found her thoughts focused on the questions, What do I look like? Am I gaining weight? Am I as good as they are? As a result, her relationships with her family were affected. Every family gathering was ruined by fear. When Marlene saw her sisters she immediately compared herself with them - had they gained weight? Was she more in control than they? Did they compliment her on her figure? Would they criticize her for being too thin or too fat? Her god perverted every joyful occasion, leeching out the pleasure of family, creating an atmosphere of competition, fear, and ambition in her own heart. Would they eat two helpings of turkey? She would have only one...did they notice?

Life-Dominating Demands

As we look at Marlene's struggles, we learn that every god demands worship and service. Marlene's god, "I must be thinner than my sisters," demanded that Marlene constantly think about how she looked, and how her clothing fit - no matter whether she had eaten any sugar the day before. What the scale said to her about her weight determined whether she had peace or anxiety. She worshiped the thought of wearing a size 5; she spent far too much time and money on her appearance. Her treasure and her heart were tied up in her bodily image. Functionally, she believed that if she could just serve her god perfectly enough she would have abundant life - she would know true peace and joy. She was utterly and tragically consumed by her god's demands.

Self-Centered Laws

Marlene's god, "I must be thinner than my sisters," had also created commandments that she had to follow. These laws were: "Thou shalt not eat sugar," "Thou shalt not eat potato chips," "Thou shalt burn off at least 500 calories in exercise every day." She felt more peaceful, more in control when she followed these laws. The problem was that she could never perfectly satisfy her god's demands because idols are never satisfied with your version of perfection. No, idols create laws that multiply exponentially. At one time it had been all right for her to eat some sugar, just as long as it wasn't in chocolate. Eventually, all sugar became unlawful. When Marlene didn't obey these laws, she experienced a greater sense of futility, anger, and desperation. Let me illustrate Marlene's problem this way:


Her god:
"I must be thinner than my sisters"
created

Her god's laws (which had to be perfectly obeyed):
THOU SHALT NOT EAT SUGAR
THOU SHALT NOT EAT POTATO CHIPS
THOU SHALT EXERCISE OFF 500 CALORIES PER DAY

When Marlene "sinned" and violated the laws she had devised in her heart, she would usually respond by feeling angry and, in despair, giving in to her self-indulgence. However, there were some days when she would "regain control" and would respond by rededicating her efforts to be "perfect" for the rest of the day, by exercising more than usual to make up for her mistake, and by promising to be very careful for the rest of the week.

On the days when Marlene gave in to self-indulgence and despair, she would stop on the way home from work and buy food to consume while driving home. Upon arriving home, she would raid the pantry. She would eat everything in sight - very rapidly, very secretly. Then, she would seek to atone for her transgressions by throwing up in the kitchen sink - all this before her husband got home. We could diagram her behavior this way:


Her god:
"I must be thinner than my sisters"
created

Her god's laws (which had to be perfectly obeyed):
THOU SHALT NOT EAT SUGAR
THOU SHALT NOT EAT POTATO CHIPS
THOU SHALT EXERCISE OFF 500 CALORIES PER DAY

Marlene transgresses her god's law (sins)
by eating a cookie, so she...

Realizes that she won't attain her goal of
perfection that day, so she...

is worried, angry, and fearful because
she has failed again, so she...

Self-indulges (the binge) in a feeble attempt
to demonstrate her disgust, assuage her guilty
conscience, bring pleasure to herself by
throwing off restraint, resulting in...

The need for a savior from her "sin" and it's results
(stomach discomfort/weight gain), so she...

Embraces her "savior", the "purge" (vomiting, laxatives,
overexercising, fasting), and then she...

Recommits to renewed measures to maintain her
self-righteousness and please her god: "I'll never
do this again" and "I'll do better tomorrow"
were her mantras, which seemed to work until she
violated her conscience again by breaking a law or
was frustrated by some circumstance in her life,
at which time the cycle would start over again.

Do you see what I mean when I say these behaviors are life-dominating? Almost every waking moment was tyrannized by thoughts, emotions, and actions - all relating to her false god.

If in some way I've just described you, please don't despair. Your loving Father in heaven is able to break sin's power and lead you on to victory - to help you become a person whose life and love is solely focused on pleasing Him.

It's a message I've been trying to hammer into my head for months. Don't worship the idol of body image perfection! Desire to be healthy to honor God. To make the most of this body that He's given me. This precious amazing life that is a gift.

To do that I must eat foods that are nourishing, good for me. I must get exercise and fresh air and lots of water. And I must not obsess with the idol of "My value and worth are in the way I look"

How about you? You may not have an issue with food or body image but do you struggle with idol worship in other areas? Money? Sex? Status? I don't want to live my life in a constant cycle like Marlene above!

"For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life." Romans 6:20-22