Cookies for breakfast anyone?

Today is supposed to be weigh in day. Thank goodness Casey took the battery out of the scale. This week has been HARD. I mean HARD. There are treats everywhere. And I like treats. Cookies, candy, etc. It's yummolicious.

Yesterday I had cookies for breakfast. 8 points worth. But who's counting? ME!!! What the heck? I'll be glad when all the hoopla part is over. I felt so bad about my breakfast choice that I went out and ran sprints. My lungs, legs, and heart were on fire when I was done. Maybe it burned a bit of the cookie indulgence off?

I'm going to survive for the rest of the week. I have healthy, low point meals on our menu until Chrismas Eve. Then I'm serving:

Tangy Pepper Pecan brie
Caramelized onion tartlets
Mustard crusted prime rib roast with roasted balsamic onions
Frico cups with salad
Roasted new potatoes with garlic & parmesan
Spicy green beans with bacon

I'm sure I'll make more cookies for the big event but I think I'll wait until the last minute. It's the only way to not stuff my face full of them have some self control.

Merry Christmas!

The missing battery

My husband took the battery out of the scale...AGAIN! Luckily, I weighed before he did it. I'll tell you the results if you want to hear them? In a minute.

Why does he do these things to me? Care about my mental health? My obsession with the scale? Oh yeah, because he LOVES me. He took the battery out of the scale and put it IN my BodyBugg. See last paragraph below. He says that I should be concerned about eating well and exercising, not the number on the scale. He's right. But let's face it; we ALL care about that number. Don't we? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

If I think back, I can recall the things that may have shaped me to care. I was always small. I mean tiny. I mean like TEENINSY. I don't know that I was necessarily any smaller than the average girl but the average girl was thin. Kids just weren't overweight when I was growing up. Not like they are now anyway. Most kids were normal weight. I know, this post ages me doesn't it?

Anyway, we were all active. We rode our bikes, built forts, and discovered the great unknown. All day long. Now, I have to bribe my kids. You can play Xbox (or insert PSP, DS, Wii, etc.) if you're active first. STUPID GAME MACHINES! Now, to be active, we make VIDEO games that make you work out. So crazy.

I'm the mean kind of Mom. I actually care if they are active every single day. Can you imagine? I make them play outside. I make them ride their bikes with me or run at Shelby Farms. I make them do Power90, Insanity, or my made up circuits with me. I (get this) encourage a lifestyle of activity rather than one that's sedentary. During the summer I encourage all day outside adventures or swimming for hours. I never emphasize weight, EVER, because I just don't think that's important when you're a kid, but I always emphasize health. Even with being overweight myself, I've always been active with them or encouraged activity. Always. So I'm the fat Momma running with her boys. If you see me out at Shelby Farms, now instead of laughing at that lady, you'll admire me for pushing through it.

I also make sure they eat well. We've probably been more lenient in the last year or so with allowing them "normal" food. But I make it a policy to keep Trans fats, gobs of sugar, HFCS, and other junk out of their diet. We don't eat a lot of processed foods. I buy cereal every once in a while. Or chips. But MOSTLY, at least 80%, their diet is whole, real foods.

I got off my subject. Sort of. Back to when the number began to matter. HIGH SCHOOL. Suddenly my body became something other than just my body. It was a mechanism for luring in the boys. It was a tool for measuring my self worth. It was a way to be "better" than someone else. And suddenly it was important to me that I weighed 104 and Sally... well Sally didn't.

Granted, I did NOTHING to keep said body. I was mildly active, playing a sport, very poorly, here or there. Taking up running here or there. Mostly, I did lots of drugs and partied all the time. The fact that I was small was mostly just luck. Period. But I didn't think so. One time, a cousin of mine who was overweight, was lamenting about her size. I remember thinking in my mind; you just need to eat less. That cousin went on to exercise and change her food choices and has a rockin body now. And has for the last 20 years.
I, on the other hand, have struggled. Why? Because it was never about health, it was always about looks. Always. Always.

What a way to be humbled. To go from being super thin to struggling for the last 15 years. It's been good for me. It's stretched my character. I actually evaluate people for who they are instead of how they look. Can you believe I actually mooed at a girl one time? Like made the cow noise "mooooo". I think she was all of a size 8. What a JERK! I can't believe that was acceptable to me.

I do admire fit people, but I don't idolize them. I realize the amount of hard work and dedication it takes to be healthy. I'm learning (it's a process people, Rome wasn't built in a day) to evaluate myself for my choices. My dedication. My hard work. My discipline. I'm learning to be ok with me for who I am, right now. It's hard. Sometimes I'm embarrassed. I don't want to meet people that I think are important looking this way. I don't want to see old friends looking this way. But I DO look this way. I can't change overnight. It takes a commitment to do so. And why do I want to change? It can't be to impress those people. At least not long term. It has to be so that I can live a long, healthy life. Enjoy my life. Be active with my family. Whew, I need to walk around singing that, "I want to be healthy, not impress people." Because, I won't lie, I don't want to be the fat chick anymore and I pretty much like to impress people. Ahh...sweet pride. How I HATE THEE!

Two things:

1) The BodyBugg (for those of you that thought, ooh, what's that?) is a tool from Body Media that measures your calorie burn. You wear it on your arm and it measures your heart rate, calorie expenditure, activity level, etc. I already owned it but started wearing it again (encouraged by Casey) to track the important stuff, my activity level, steps in a day, calorie burn, etc. I added a link to their website. I'm not advertising for them, they haven't endorsed me or anything, I just like this tool. This is also the tool that all the contestants on The Biggest Loser wear to track their burn. Knowledge is power.

2) I weighed before he stole the battery. I've lost TWO pounds this week for a total of SIX. My first goal is TEN so I'm more than 1/2 way there!

A quick 3 points

I did this workout that I saw on Pinterest today:

1 minute running the stairs (I added this)
30 jumping jacks
5 push ups
10 crunches
25 high knees
7 squats
1 minute stairs
5 push ups
10 crunches
5 push ups
10 spider man push ups (I added this)
7 squats
30 jumping jacks
1 minute wall sit
5 push ups
25 high knees
10 super mans


It took about 15 minutes and I earned/burned three points. To give you an example, I would have to walk for 35 minutes to earn 3 points. I did this is less than half the time and it's not dependent on the weather. I will OBVIOUSLY need to add a couple more rounds to make it a workout. I guess today was sort of a test day to see what I thought. Boot camp is always around 45 minutes and includes weights, which I will need to add. So here's what I think it will look like:


1 minute running stairs
30 jumping jacks
5 push ups
25 high knees
7 burpees (squat thrusts)
10 crunches
7 squats
5 push ups
10 crunches
5 push ups
10 spider man push ups
7 squats
30 jumping jacks
1 minute wall sit
5 push ups
25 high knees
10 super mans
10 mountain climbers
7 burpees (squat thrusts)

20 curls
20 shoulder press
20 tricep kick backs

REPEAT 3 TIMES FOR A TOTAL OF 3 SETS

This should earn around 9 activity points per work out (remember, my minimum by WW is 30 per week). And, I can do it at home and hit all my areas.

I'm such a more sane nicer person when I've worked out AND had my priority time. It's like I get all the junk out and the good in. I'm pretty sure my family would agree. Sometimes they've been known to send me for a time out when these haven't happened. I know, sad. Casey used to come home from work when the babies were little and be able to determine in about 2 minutes if I'd been to the gym. He would turn me around and be like SEE YA! Don't come back until you've gotten your sweat on! Poor man. He had no idea my level of crazy when we met. He's a GIFT though and knows how to encourage me instead of getting frustrated. Now he calls me before lunch, "Have you had your time in the word? A workout? A shower?" If the answer is no to any of those, he encourages me to stop what I'm doing and go. I heart him. With big pink fluffy squishy hearts.

Stupid cake balls

Holy cow! Why does Christmas involve so much food? Last week Casey brought home chocolate peppermint covered Oreos from some sabotager very nice person at his office. I went to a girl's dinner & night out on Saturday and had dessert AND she sent us home with Oreo truffles. Awesome. Today Casey brought home cake balls AND chocolate covered peanuts from some other people at work. REALLY? REALLY? And tomorrow I'm supposed to bake cookies for those same people at his office. JUST.SHOOT.ME.NOW. I love Christmas cookies. I heart them a bunch. I only make these certain kind this time of year and it's like a big party in my mouth with every bite.

How is one supposed to not only stay on track, but lose weight? It seems impossible. And why? Why do we eat and give away so much junk? When and why did that tradition start? I'm serious, I want ANSWERS. "Dear baby Jesus, I love you so much, I'll eat a cookie to show you how much you mean to me. Ooh and a truffle. Ooh and some cheesecake." Hmm... I know, it's supposed to be a good will gesture to give away food. But think about that... "I really care about you, here's something to make you unhealthy, fat & sick." SEE?!?!? It's so weird. We should give out oranges and apples and brussels sprouts. Can you imagine? You'd punch that person that gave you baby cabbages right in their face. "You brought me VEGETABLES? Freak!!"

Well, I'm staying within my points, even with all that crazy business. I think that's the AMAZING thing about WW, I'm able to really decide what I'm going to eat and am forced to choose well. "No, I'm going to skip the fried chicken wing and opt for lean meat and veggies so I can enjoy a cookie afterwards." Or whatever delicious thing I feel I MUST have. It's actually freeing. CHOOSING to balance it all and not choosing the following:

1) Resorting to full out rebellion - I KNOW this is like a million points (and gluttony) to have six cake balls but I'm going to do it anyway. And then feel really bad about myself. (Here comes the warped girl again. You would think I was talking about a one night stand, not food. Yeah, that's JACKED.) Then, since I already feel bad anyway, I'll finish the day off by eating whatever else I want. And then later, while praying, I'll lament that God has not removed this burden of weight. Ahh, BOOYAH! I busted you, huh?

2) Giving up - I'm not really going to worry about it right now, I'll wait until after the holidays. Yeah, uh-huh. I do that every year. You know what happens then, right? You pig out, because you better get it all in, and you gain seven or eight pounds. Then you make a New Year's resolution to lose it all and then guess what? You do it for a week or two and you're right back to the excuses and give up mode. Except now you're heavier than before because you went full on for the holidays.

It just doesn't work that way. You know it, I know it, but we like to pretend. Tell ourselves we'll change, we'll do something about it later. For sure when all this craziness is over, or after the first of the year, ok, after Valentine's Day, for real this time, all right, after spring break vacation. You get it. Whatever lame excuse we make to continue to do exactly what we WANT to do instead of what we need to do. DUMB!

I'm choosing NOT to do any of the above. I'm saying what I mean and doing what I say and I LIKE it. A LOT. I'm eating well, I'm exercising. This is no different than any other area of my life. I have to choose to spend time in God's word, I have to choose to love my husband & kids, I have to choose to serve others and die to self, and finally, I have to choose to make this a priority in my life.

So, put the cake balls down. Walk away. Look in the mirror and smile at yo victorious self. Decide early in the day what your plan is and stick to it. Even if you're not trying to lose weight, evaluate what you're putting your body through and make the best choices for yourself. And then we can pray about some real business instead of begging for a miraculous 50 pound weight loss when we wake up in the morning.

Sore glutes and a ZERO

Today is the weigh in day. I strip down, hoping, praying, wait. Did I tinkle? That will take off some. Okay, good, I'm ready. I hop on the scale. Hold my breath. Wait, I should let it out, that might help. AND it's a big, fat ZERO loss this week. BU-UH-UMMER. I worked hard. I did Insanity. Multiple times. And my rear end and legs are killing me. I watched my points. Like a hawk. So what's a girl to do?

Well, this girl would normally run for the kitchen and eat a cookie and say, "oh, well. I must be resistant." and use that as an excuse to have a pity party. But I didn't. SCORE for me. Instead, I put my workout clothes on and did another beat down session of Insanity. And I ate a sensible, low point breakfast. And I guzzled some water. And I REALLY thought about my week.

Did I make sure to write down EVERYTHING I ate? What about the olives I had at lunch? And I realized, I *think* I did a good job but maybe I need to update my food log the minute I eat to make sure. Yes, that's what I'll do.

Then I thought some more. And I came to this conclusion, so what? So what if this week I didn't lose? I worked hard, I monitored and counted my food, I made good, healthy choices. Do I care that I didn't lose? Let's just be honest, HELL yeah. Sort of. Because I just want it off. But really, sigh, no. I'm just going to keep on going. Because I've heard that's what skinny girls do.

This weight loss thing isn't for the faint at heart.

and p.s. What's up with Pinterest? I almost freak out when I look at all those hard bodies on there. But whatever. I'm me, they're air brushed freaks them. I'll try not to be obsessed with looking like that chick with the abs of steel.

Maybe change wigs me out

Last week I saw on the Weight Watchers website that some things were changing. The interface, the way we track, etc. There were rumblings from the members. I thought they were being ridiculous. Come on, who cares? They're changing the screens, they're changing some of the things we track - like exercise. Now we'll set goals for how many points we want to earn for activity. All sounded fine to me. If you don't like it, don't pay for it and do something else. Sounds reasonable, right?

On Wednesday I opened my little WW screen to track my breakfast and BOOM! My points had been lowered from 29 to 26. GASP! Three points! That's a wrap (literally) or a piece of bread or whatever. That may not sound like a big deal to you, but HEY! I just got my groove on. Plus, I like to drink a small 7.5 oz. coke a day and... you guessed it... it's 3 points!! Some heads may roll if I give up my little "treat". I may have wigged out been slightly concerned.

I pondered it and stressed and thought about NOT having my little treat and got all worked up internally. I started to have thoughts about just eating whatever I wanted. Isn't that weird? Something as small as a coke made me feel like I needed to panic. WHO THE HECK AM I? WHERE DO THESE ISSUES COME FROM? Seriously, tap tap, is this thing on? Can you hear me? Wait for it... I may have issues. I know! It's shocking. The extra weight wasn't a clue to said issues already.

So, I talked to two very sensible friends, one of them that has done this and had great success, and have decided, for now, to stick with 29 points. Whew. What a relief. If I hit a plateau, I'll reconsider. My friend, Britta, that has done this and done it well, did it on THIS plan with THESE points. Thank you, Britta!!

My new activity target suggested by WW is 30 points. They come up with this number based on your previous tracking history, your weight loss goals, etc. I won't lie, that's a pretty big number (for example: walking 30 minutes = 2 points so I'd have to like walk to China to hit 30) and I'm EXCITED to crush that goal! Boot camp is around 7 points so that's 21 and then I have to purpose to be active on the other days. Which works well since my 14 year old is all about being fit right now = work out partner = excuses are bogus. He's signing up to do the Warrior Dash this year, yay for something fun to do together!

Here's my adjusted WW plan:

29 points per day
20 splurge points per week (I lowered this from the 49 because well...I just needed to)
30 activity points per week

I've been rocking it out and sticking to my plan.

People

I know this is a blog about weight loss... but induldge me for a minute. Or two. Or ten. It will all come back to that by the end.

Who are the people in your life? Who influences you the most? Spouse? Parents? Friends? Enemies? I ask this question because I can't emphasize enough the role that others play in our lives. How do they influence you? By truth? Love? Manipulation? Lies?

I am sold out for Jesus Christ. I don't mean I like Him when things are good, "I'm so blessed, look at my big house, cute husband, clean & obedient children. God is good." and question Him when things are not, "WHY? Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?" I mean like I believe that He is sovereign over all creation, that His purposes are for His glory and my eternal good, that He has authority over my life. Colossians 1:15-22 "he is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities -all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. 21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

WOW! That is powerful truth. I have been reconciled in his body, by his death, in order that I may be presented holy and blameless and above reproach before him. I can't imagine sweeter words. So even though I have won and lost, loved and hated, been joyful and sorrowful, even though I have suffered greatly, I count it all gain for who I am in Him. Where my road has led. Straight to his cross and his love.

I am so grateful that the word of God is my greatest influence. That I don't have to totally depend on people to bring about the joy that comes from knowing that I am holy and blameless before a holy and blameless God because of HIM and not me. Because they can never offer that to me. Ever.

In spite of knowing this truth, I am still influenced by people pretty regularly. Aren't we all? My friend called today and we were talking about how some people don't have anyone that will speak truth in their life. Most people fall into two categories, those that will agree with EVERYTHING you say, and those that will agree with NOTHING you say. I avoid both at all cost. Rarely do we find the gem that will agree with only TRUTH. And will remind you of truth and will hold you to truth. The friend that will love you but who will not allow you to believe lies or live your life based on lies. I'm really amazed because I don't just have one friend like that, I have many. And a husband, and parents, and even sometimes...my kids.

The great thing about having many people is that I know I have a place to filter through life. Obviously, I depend on God's word first. Then prayer, circumstances, authority, and you guessed it... people.

That's where this blog comes in. It's a place to work through all the junk that comes with conquering this overwhelming obstacle of weight. But I was thinking, "why would that matter if people just told me what I wanted to hear?" It wouldn't. I could blog all day long and talk about how I messed up and ate this or that and didn't work out and you could all tell me "it's okay, you're doing so great, it doesn't matter, etc." BUT I DON'T WANT THAT! I want truth. And the truth is "JUST DO IT! Say what you mean, and do what you say." Okay?

I'm so grateful for all of you that have written and told me how this blog is encouraging you in your own journey, and for those of you that have told me that I can do it. And especially those that are doing or have done it with success. That's not what I mean at all. I NEED to hear those encouraging words. I just mean don't give me any excuses. Cause I'll use em to justify any behavior.

You do it for me, and I'll do it for you. Truth, nothing but the truth, so help us God!