I'm not AWOL!

I've done great with eating, I've just been super busy and haven't sat down to write out my plans and actuals.

I'm taking a night "off" and taking the family out for dinner and to stuff our faces full of candy while we watch a movie. Yay for halloween and the 1.5 million or trillion pounds of candy that we consume!

I'll be back tomorrow with my plan, etc.

Day 5 - Plan

Here's my plan for today - Sunday - Day 5

Breakfast: Egg whites with veggies, bacon

Lunch: I'm not sure. I have a show today and it's an hour away and I need to be there at 1:30. I'll figure it out between now and then.

Dinner: Taco salad OR Chili - it depends on how I feel after the show. It's over around 4:00 and then the drive home. *Maybe* my sweet husband will prepare dinner for us.

Exercise - A walk or a bike ride when I get home from the show.

Day 4 - Actual

Sometimes being a grown up is hard. Like when you realize the only way you're actually going to get exercise squeezed into your day is if you get up earlier than you want to. Sigh...responsibility. But that's why I find myself here. My bed has always been more appealing then a workout with Tony Horton. Or any kind of workout. Especially on the weekend.


9:30 - Breakfast: eggs & bacon. I made chocolate gravy & biscuits for all the boys and chose to skip it and save my sweet treat for later. I'm glad I did. I'm afraid if I would have started with a sweet in the morning, it would have blown the whole day.

Had a meeting, ran some errands, and then went out to our community garden to get it cleared of any items. I garden with three other girls and we have a deadline of 11/1 to remove our personal stuff. We were all supposed to meet but it didn't work out for the others so I ended up clearing it alone. Which was GREAT for activity. I pulled up soaker hoses, regular hoses, tons of stakes, & cages, etc. I picked all that was left and have a big bag of yummy goodness. I guess that's a perk to doing it alone. ;) Needless to say...I got busy and didn't eat.

4:00 - late lunch/early dinner: YAY! It's my splurge meal. I had 1/2 a burger with the bun, grilled onions, & guacamole. And steak fries. mmm... steak fries are my favorite. Bolded items are my splurges.

6:30 - CUPCAKE time. Casey brought several home and cut them and we shared. I had 2 1/2 total over a couple of hours.


Exercise:

NONE! What the heck! This is where I'll need the MOST accountability.

Day 3 - Actual

Today was lo-o-o-o-ong. And I mean in the go and move non stop kind of way until after 10:00 tonight.

We had the 20 boys over and it went well. They made their own pizzas with homemade crust, yum, and I didn't snatch anyone's. Really all I had to do was think about where all those boy hands might have been or what they might have touched and I was all good. ;) They did their cupcakes too. I stuck to my plan and made a crustless pizza for myself.

breakfast - vega shake w/ strawberries

lunch - The cilantro burgers had gone bad (I made them up and had them raw in a container) and when I pulled them out they were SMELL-L-LY! I had some all beef, no nitrate or preservative, hot dogs and made those. I've decided I'm not a hot dog fan. How can that be anything near non processed food anyway? It's not. I'll skip those next time.

dinner - cheese, sauce (homemade) & meat. Next time I'm going to make this vegetable lasagna I found here. Except easy on the cheese.

I didn't eat enough veggies today and I can tell. :( I feel kind of gross tonight.

Exercise - DANGIT! I didn't get my Power90 in. I should have done it first thing but Casey & I agreed to do it tonight. What was I thinking? I'm too tired after today. I guess today will be my rest day and I'll make up for it all this weekend.

Another thought

Conviction rarely comes apart from God's word for me. You can tell me why something is right or wrong or why I need to do this or that but I don't prescribe to it unless I'm convicted by the Holy Spirit. That usually, but not always, happens when I'm having my priority time. I'm really pretty stubborn and MUST do my own research before I accept anything. I'm sure it frustrates most of the people that love me.

This weight thing has been a battle for me for many years. Really, since I became a believer. And that's sad. You see, I'm an idol worshiper and my idol is my own pleasure. I want to "feel" good and so before eating it was drugs & alcohol. Before that it was sex. Now, it's food. I'm learning to be honest with myself about it and not allow it to be the "acceptable" sin. I'm at war friends. And the battle is about much more than weight, it truly is a sin issue in my life.

I've been covicted over and over again in my priority time about depending on God alone. About idol worship. About obedience. But in this area, I haven't listened. I've talked about it, I've given half hearted attempts but my desire to do what I want, when I want has trumped. Well, you might say then, that's not true conviction. No, it's disobedience. Maybe I should have named the blog Ditch the Disobedience. Anyway, I know God loves me like crazy and I know he loves everything about me. But I also know that it breaks His heart when I run to something other than Him. Because what He truly wants for me is His best, FREEDOM.

Now, why am I posting this today? Because as much as I like to be funny or real or whatever, I can't be real without speaking about my love for the Lord and my desire to be a reflection of his glory. Being dependent on a substance, including food, does not bring him glory. period. the end.

Day 3 - Plan

My butt & my inner thighs are sore today. I creeeeaked out of bed this morning wondering how long it might take me to hobble to the bathroom. Sore is GOOD, it means I'm doing something right. Right?

Tonight we're having a party here for about 20 middle school boys. On the menu? Homemade pizza and decorate your own cupcakes. I've decided that I DON'T want my splurge meal and sweet to be with them. How can you savor your splurge with a bunch of middle school boys? The answer... you can't because they're hungry little men that will probably fight me for the food. I'm sure I'll be too busy making sure they have enough food and fun, etc. So I'll wait. And enjoy a Muddy's (mmm...) cupcake sometime later in the weekend.

Eating Plan:

breakfast - green drink, smoothie w/ vega,berries & unsweetened almond milk

lunch - since I skipped the cilantro burger yesterday I think I'll have it today. With avocado & salsa. YUMMY. And some other sort of green vegetable TBD based on my mood.

dinner - pizza with no crust - paleo style. I will have mozzarella cheese tonight because how else do you eat pizza? And don't tell me to sub cauliflower or something else crazy for cheese. Gross. I don't like "pretend" food. Like Tofurkey hot dogs. That shouldn't even be a word... Tofurkey.

My goal for today is to actually EAT all three meals. And to drink more water. Oh yeah, I drink lots of unsweetened tea & water & coffee throughout the day. NO SODA! YAY! But since I'm having headaches I think I need more water.

Exercise Plan:

I can't run outside today since it's raining. Even if it stops, I won't have time tonight because of the above mentioned party. I'll do Power 90 resistance today and then run tomorrow morning or Sunday.

Day 2 - Actual

Did I mention that sometimes my life gets a bit umm... crazy? Because it does.

The headache wouldn't go away making for a very unproductive morning. Which made for a hectic afternoon. Which meant I forgot to eat lunch. Oh dear. I'm really trying here, I promise.

9:00 - Green drink (about 3 cups spinach with a whole lime, water & ice blended smooth)

9:15 - 2 eggs & chicken sausage

4:00 - oh crap! I never ate. Bought more Larabars while at Kroger, had one in the car. My new favorite is Cherry Chocolate Torte. Have you ever had these? They're raw bars which sound disgusting but oh they are super delish.

7:00 - At the fundraiser and realized I still haven't eaten. One of the girls says she's making a Chick Fil A run. YAY! oh wait... what will I eat? I ponder a grilled chicken breast from there with no bun and throw up a little in my mouth. Gross. Who wants to eat that? So I decide on a salad with grilled chicken & a large unsweet iced tea. The smell of french fries and fried chicken wafts through the air when they arrive with our food. I briefly consider pushing a chick over the counter to get to the bag of fries. Then I come to my senses and remember that I would have to tell all of you so I change my mind. I begin to internally chant "I want abs that don't jiggle, abs that don't jiggle" I ate the salad. Yum. You know, skinny girls don't eat salad? Only those trying to get skinny. Just thought you'd all like that piece of information to store away for later use.

10:00 I arrive home and change my clothes and complete the Power 90 cardio.

11:00 - WTH? Have I eaten today? Oh that's right, I had that really bad yummy salad. I MUST have something right now. I grab a larabar. Casey has one too. We really shouldn't be eating this late. I'm seeing a pattern here.

Day 2 - Plan

Ok, so plans are funny things. Around my house they're sort of...loose. We have loose plans. I'm guessing that's why they don't usually happen. I planned on getting my cardio done at 6:30 this morning; however, I woke up with a TERRIBLE headache around 5:45 and took lots of pills and went back to bed. Got up again, took more pills, went back to bed. Now it's 11:27 and I haven't done it yet. So I'll have to be flexible and change my plan up a little. I usually use the above as an excuse not to do it at all. And since I didn't work out I might as well have a brownie. Sigh.

Here's my plan for today:

Breakfast - green drink (check), eggs & chicken sausage (check)

Lunch - boring? yes. Leftover cilantro burgers with roasted asparagus

Dinner - I think I'm going to try a Paleo Pizza I saw on Pinterest. Or maybe I'll make meatballs to go with my leftover sauce. I have a fundraiser event so I'll be gone by 5:30 which means I'll have to get my act together early. We'll see...

On that note... I have a fundraiser event tonight. There will be lots of yummy little treats there. I'm also making a few things, none of which are on my plan. So, I'll be checking in tonight to let you all know that not only did I stick to plan but I punched those treats in the face
abstained from anything NOT on my plan.


Exercise plan:

Power90 Cardio

**side note here. I like the Power90 series. We did P90X a couple of years ago and I wanted to poke my eyeballs out by the end. It was JUST.SO.LONG every single day. I know, I know, that's why it was Power90 EXTREME hence the X. But seriously folks, I wanted to hurt ole Tony by the end. This is a bit easier (I need to invest in heavier weights so that it's not) but it's shorter and that's awesome. I'm done in 1/2 an hour but I've gotten a good sweat on. And I'm sore today so that's good.

Day 1 - Actual

I got crazy busy this morning and forgot to eat breakfast. YIKES!

7:30 coffee

Breakfast - none

11:30 - lunch: cilantro burgers (5 oz., no bun) with green beans as planned - YAY!

4:30 - snack: protein shake (vega, almond milk, cocoa, pumpkin, ice)

5:30 - C25K week 1, day 1

8:30 - dinner: 1/2 cup spaghetti squash with 1/2 cup red sauce, salad w/ pepperoni, black olives, banana peppers, feta, and olive oil & balsamic italian dressing.

9:30 - Power90 Resistance

10:30 - craving something sweet like a cupcake healthy larabar. Scrounged around and found my last one, Ginger Snap. MMM...that's better.

With the exception of no breakfast, I stuck to my plan. YAY!

Day 1 - Plan

Well it happened. I begged my husband to put the battery back in the scale and I weighed. Let me digress, yes, he took the battery out. One day I got all psyched to weigh for the 10th time and I went in, stepped on the scale, and nothing happened. I tried it again. Nothing. I freaked out calmly called his name and asked him if he knew what was wrong with the scale. "yes," he said, "I took the battery out so you can't weigh 100 times a week and obsess about your weight." Oh...I do that?

After I broke up with him thanked him for caring about my well being and mental state, I decided that I liked the freedom of not weighing all the time. It doesn't do anything but make me crazy. BUT, I weighed this morning so that I have a starting point. I won't use weight as the only measuring tool, but it does sort of help to see progress. This blog is about making positive changes and not beating myself up so I won't go into some long masochistic tirade about what that number said or how it made me feel. I will just say that it is what it is and ya gotta start somewhere. He'll remove the battery because I lack self control to help me stay accountable to weighing only once a month.

Here's my plan for today:

Food:

Breakfast - Egg & Sausage scramble (farm fresh eggs, nitrate & preservative free chicken habanera sausage)

Lunch - Cilantro Turkey Burgers ... found here , green beans

Dinner - spaghetti squash with meat sauce, salad - I'll post the recipe as soon as I figure out how to upload my own

Snacks if needed - Pumpkin smoothie (Vega protein powder, unswt almond milk, pumpkin, pumpkin pie spice, ice) or a candy bar as found here

Workout:Power90 Week 1 Day 1, C25K

crush the corpulent a.k.a. - fight the fat

A few weeks ago a wise woman said to me, "I noticed you say really bad stuff about yourself. You need to stop. Stop it." Seriously, those were her words. I respect this woman, I might even go as far as to say I admire her. She's calm, peaceful, loving, full of wisdom and strength. When she speaks, I make a point to listen. I've heard these words before, even from my husband (who I love, admire, and respect but OBVIOUSLY didn't listen to in this case - SHAME!), for whatever reason I thought he was just blind because he's crazy in love with me.

If you know me, you've heard me. I'm fat. I'm gross. I need to lose weight. I'm going to start this diet. I'm going to do this workout. Weight Watchers, P90X, Insanity, diet pills, boot camp, no sugar, everything in moderation, naturally slim, etc. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I've come full circle a million times. I care, I don't care, I care. It's a roller coaster up in here!

Each time I do this and then don't follow through, I spiral into this black hole of defeat. Somewhere along the way I've resigned myself to staying overweight. There it is, the ugly truth. Or it could be a crazy train.

I've also become increasingly concerned about the example this sets for my boys. What it tells them is important. How they watch me "set" goals (unrealistic of course) and then not stick to them. I don't want them to grow up thinking we allow life to happen to us rather than setting goals, sticking with it, and making changes.

But I OBVIOUSLY can't do it alone. I've asked others for accountability but then I just sort of stop e-mailing or showing up or whatever. That's where you and this blog come in. Here, I will lay it all out. The good, the bad, the ugly. Why? Because 1/2 of me wants to change but the other 1/2 that doesn't want to is fatter and bigger and meaner and likes things the way they are.

So will you read this blog and comment? So I know that people are expecting to hear from me daily? I'll figure out how to post my daily plan on a sidebar. I'll link recipes. I'll link anything I find on healthy eating or workouts, etc. Who knows? Maybe you'll find something useful or interesting. If not, maybe you'll just like to read it to know how the crazy half lives.